Advocating for your Kids, Halloween Decor & Sweet Potato Pancakes

3 Things I'm Loving, Reading, Watching or Doing

1. Sweet Potato Pancakes
Recipe here
Used to make these a lot, and I recently brought them back into the rotation. Still love the change of pace, and it’s an easy way to sneak in a veggie at breakfast. Best with lots of butter and syrup.

2. Fitness Podcast Recommendation
Our gym staff is dissecting this conversation with Peter Attia, Mike Boyle, Gabrielle Lyon and Jeff Cavaliere. Interesting perspectives on training for longevity as well as youth programming.

3. Halloween Decorations
Something I’m loving right now: neighbors going all-in on Halloween decorations. Bonus points to the ones who don’t even have little kids anymore. They’re just out here spreading joy for the rest of us. Simple reminder that fun doesn’t have to end when the kids grow up.

2 Quotes Worth Pondering

“When we intervene every time our kids struggle, we rob them of the chance to learn how capable they really are.”
— Dr. Tim Elmore

“Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first.”
— Matthew L. Jacobson

1 Big Dad Idea

In the past few weeks, Erin and I have each reached out (one to a coach, one to a teacher) on behalf of our kids. And while we don’t mind doing it when necessary, it’s definitely the exception, not the rule.

As teachers and coaches, both of us have been on the other side of that email so we try to be thoughtful about when (and how) to step in.

Over time, we’ve developed a loose process when one of our kids brings us a concern. The goal is to strike the right balance: guiding our kids to advocate for themselves without becoming those parents.

1. Ask questions, not judgments.

When your kid comes home fired up, resist the urge to react. Ask open questions: “What happened?” “How did you respond?” “What do you think should happen next?” The goal is to listen long enough to really understand, not to fix right away. Often, they just need to feel heard.

2. Discern what’s true.

Even great kids give a partial story. They see things through their own lens. Before you go to war for them, get context. Ask a few more questions. Sleep on it. In our experience, about half of what’s said in frustration fades by morning. The other half might still need attention.

3. Encourage them to advocate first.

One of the best lessons you can give your kids is how to speak up respectfully. If your child feels wronged by a teacher or coach, help them write a short note or practice what to say. Role-play it at the dinner table. This builds confidence and maturity, and it teaches them that their voice matters. If your kid’s introverted, you may need to help open the door, but let them walk through it. “Mr. Jones, my son would like to speak with your regarding the WWII project. He’s generally a little shy about these conversations. Can you please make time for him and open that conversation before/after class?”

4. Decide if it’s worth it.

Erin and I both have a “fix-it” reflex. We care about things being done correctly, and we often think, “We could do that better.” But that mindset can lead to over-involvement. Not every battle is worth fighting. If you jump into every conflict, you train your kid to expect rescue, not resilience. AND you will lose your sanity. Save your energy for the hills that really matter: character, integrity, and safety. Remember, if you’re the parent who cries wolf, people stop listening.

5. If you do engage, do it respectfully.

When it’s time to step in, keep your tone calm and curious. The goal isn’t to “win” — it’s to build understanding. Whether you’re emailing a teacher or talking to a coach, approach it as a teammate, not an accuser. Most educators and coaches are doing their best with limited time and information. Pro-tip: run it by your spouse before sending the email or having the conversation. I’ve had many moments where Erin has been like, “you can’t say that, Josh.” 😂

6. Accept imperfect outcomes.

Even if you advocate well, you won’t always get the result you want. That’s okay. Sometimes your calm, thoughtful advocacy plants a seed that leads to better systems later. And even more importantly, your kid learns that standing up for something doesn’t always lead to victory.

7. Debrief afterward.

Once the dust settles, circle back with your kid. Ask: “How did that go?” “What did you learn?” “Would you handle it differently next time?” This reflection reinforces maturity and perspective.

8. Model it in your own life.

Kids learn far more from what we do than what we say. When you speak calmly to a coach, teacher, or customer service rep (especially when something goes wrong), they’re watching. You can even narrate your thought process later: “I didn’t like how that was handled, so I reached out politely.” That small example teaches them that strength and respect can coexist.

Bottom line:

Don’t protect your kids from every struggle. Prepare them to handle it. Real advocacy isn’t about getting your way (though, it sure does feel good when you do :). It’s about raising kids who can navigate conflict with courage, empathy, and grace.