Youth Sport Mess Part 3, Lonesome Dove & F1

3 Things I'm Loving, Reading, Watching or Doing

Dad Article

What Older Dads Know

Peter Sagal reflects on becoming a father later in life. His perspective brings wisdom and calm to parenting: don’t sweat meal time, accepting that babies cry because they genuinely need something, and recognizing that toddler tumbles often look far worse than they actually are. A thoughtful piece on how experience and perspective can transform the parenting journey.

Amazing Book

Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurty

An absolute gem. Maybe a top five book for me. Character-driven western about some old Texas Rangers on a cattle drive to resettle in Montana. But the real story is the unforgettable characters you’ll meet along the way.

F1 (the movie)

Brad Pitt takes us back to the '90s and shows us how it's done. An uncomplicated plot with solid action and good dialogue. For our family personally, it was a rare win as all seven of us enjoyed it. Sometimes the best entertainment doesn't need to be complex; it just needs to be well-executed.

2 Quotes Worth Pondering

“Never be more excited or more disappointed about things than they (your teens) are.” — Lisa Damour

“Your child is going to decide whether they want to be great or not… You can’t decide that for them.” — David Pollack

1 Big Dad Idea

Youth Sports Mess, Part 3: What Can We Do About It?

Over the past two weeks, we’ve looked at what’s gone wrong with youth sports—how the pressures, programs, and profit-driven structures are burning out kids and families alike. Since then, parents have sent me stories and articles that pile on even more examples. I could rewrite the earlier pieces with all the new anecdotes and research, but I value your time, dear reader. So, here are a few links if you want to dig deeper (and maybe have another good cry):

• The Hidden Forces Ruining Youth Sports – Vox

• Kirk Herbstreit’s Youth Sports Admission Should Be a ‘Warning’ for Every Parent in the U.S. – MSN

• Heir Ball: How the Cost of Youth Sports Is Changing the N.B.A. – The New Yorker

With all this complaining, you might think I have all the answers or that I’m some model sports parent. I’m not. I’ve said things I regret. I’ve put too much pressure on my kids. With five kids ages 12 to 18, we’re still in the thick of it. So what follows is more of a reflection than a prescription. It’s what I’m learning and trying in real time.

What We Can Do as Parents

• Advocate respectfully. Speak up to coaches, clubs, and sometimes other parents. Will it change everything? Probably not. But silence equals consent. When something feels off, I ask: “Is this in the best interest of the kids… or the club?”

• Choose off-seasons. Even if your kid wants to do everything, build in breaks. Encourage other sports or downtime. Avoid signing up for every camp, clinic, or mini-season just because the club pushes it. Burnout is real.

• Say, “I loved watching you play.” Post-game is not the time for coaching. Save critiques for later—if they ask.

• Don’t coach from the sidelines. Struggle is part of growth. Remember the boy and the butterfly lesson. If you literally can’t help yourself during games, try standing far away from the court or field. (Just not near my wife and me;)

• Make decisions for the whole child. Consider emotional health, time, friendships—not just “talent” or “opportunity.” Sometimes the right move is changing teams, sports, or taking a season off.

• Remember: you’re not on the team. Don’t live out your dreams through them. Find your own hobby.

• Be patient with development. From an athletic perspective, you don’t truly know a child’s potential until after adolescence, when kids are on the same developmental playing field.

• Find the silver linings. Travel can be exhausting, but time with your child, especially one-on-one, is priceless.

If I Could Wave a Magic Wand… (for Clubs & Leagues)

• Limit travel. Unless your team is crushing everyone locally, stay local. Save a big trip for one special, drivable tournament a year.

• Cut back on practice days—especially for younger kids. And if your high-level team needs to play 5+ days a week, build in strength work and recovery time to reduce injuries.

• Support multi-sport athletes. End your season on time, and don’t shame kids for playing other sports.

• Set Realistic Expectations. Don't encourage unrealistic expectations to extract money from parents. Not everything is "elite." Not every child will have a legitimate shot at a college scholarship to play sports. And that’s ok.

  Case in point: This year one of our clubs sent a mass email titled, “Your child could get a college scholarship to play!” I asked for the actual numbers. Out of 3,000+ kids in the club, 10 went on to play in college. Only one played Division 1, and there was no mention of a scholarship.

• Keep costs down. We don’t need pro-level gear monopolized by one vendor.

• Respect Family Life. Start and end on time. Tone down the presumptuousness. These kids have families, siblings, and parents who work. The whole world shouldn't revolve around one child's sport season. Communicate with empathy reflecting that understanding, and make decisions to support that understanding.

• Train coaches to prioritize development, not just wins. Ask: Did every player improve under my watch?

I know this is all much easier said than done, for both parents and leagues. And honestly, there may be little hope of leagues changing anytime soon, which means our best shot is to focus on what we can control as parents.

We all want what’s best for our kids, but it’s not always clear when and how much to push them. Maybe the safest compass is David Pollack’s reminder: “Your child is going to decide whether they want to be great or not… You can’t decide that for them.”

Our role is to open the door, encourage them to step through, and then trust them enough not to shove.